The Problem with Advice

Advice is a tricky thing. Doctors are good at giving advice. We enjoy sharing our knowledge in the hope of improving our patients’ lives. For example, studies show that when physicians tell their patients’ to quit smoking, they are more likely to do it.

I think it’s healthy to be open to advice. Each human life is unique. Our experiences and the knowledge we accumulate creates wisdom that can help people. The challenge is knowing when to give advice.

Have you ever heard the saying, “There is nothing more unwelcome than unsolicited advice.” I think each of us has been on either side of this statement.

Sometimes when we tell somebody our problems, we just want them to listen. It’s hard not to give unsolicited advice because we care about the other person, and we think we can help them overcome their problem. Seeing them improve reinforces our value to them and makes us feel good in the process.

Sadly, unsolicited advice often has the opposite effect. For the person receiving the unsolicited advice, they may not be ready to internalize it. They may also just want you to listen, in which case, the unsolicited advice is interpreted as uncaring or even hostile.

So, next time somebody tells you about a problem–try just to listen. Ask questions. Be supportive. Acknowledge that this person is telling you about their situation because they trust you. This is a special and sacred thing. If your inclination is to offer advice, ask questions instead; try to gauge where the person is at. They may ask you for your advice. Give it gently and without judgment.

If you handle advice in this way, you are sure to build deeper and more meaningful relationships.

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