Transforming failure into success. How rejection can make you a better writer.

For those of you who compulsively check their email in the morning, you may notice two kinds of mail find their way into your inbox overnight: junk mail and rejection letters. This morning was a rejection letter day. The title ‘Editorial Decision’ is usually a death sentence for an article, especially in academic journals. Taking a double gulp of coffee, I double clicked on the message and confirmed my suspicions.

Rejection is hard. It’s harder when you’re first starting out as a writer. My grandfather, Rudy Mancini, who published numerous articles in historical magazines, including one co-authored with myself, once told me that rejection is the writer’s spur. Writer’s spur? It sounded sadistic. Knowing my grandfather to be a little dramatic, I paid little mind to his words, but as I have dedicated myself more and more to the craft of writing, I find new meaning in them.

In psychiatry, rejection is a common theme faced in session. Interpersonal, professional, and artistic rejection are challenging parts of life. My observations as a psychiatrist are such: a humans natural reaction to rejection is to be deflated by it. How is it then that people like my grandfather are able to use it to rouse them to action?

There has been some exciting work done on the concept of Grit and intrinsic motivation that cause some people not to be deterred in the face of adversity. I think my grandfather, who was the son of a coal miner, a Sergeant in the U.S. Army in WWII, and later an FBI Agent belonged to that group of people. These exceptional beings aside, how do ordinary folk like us, who want to eat an apple pie when we get a rejection letter, turn our failures into successes? Simple answer: we change our inner meaning of rejection.

When my grandfather first started writing biographical articles, he endured a string of rejections. Instead of assuming these denials meant he was a bad writer, he compared his submission to other published pieces to saw how structurally and stylistically they differed. By revising his story to conform to the periodical, he got his first acceptance letter and made his story better in the process.

My grandfather’s approach emphasizes the importance of not taking rejection personally. If the first thought you have when you get a denial is “I’m a terrible writer. This is hopeless. I’m should never submit anything ever again.” Stop! Recognize your automatic, negative cognitions, and reflect on alternative possibilities. Consider whether the journal/magazine/publisher is the best fit for your work. Try to put yourself in the Editor or Reviewer’s place. Does the piece indeed conform to what they have published in the past? Can it be modified or should it first be submitted elsewhere?

Like a spur, rejection is going to sting.  How we react to it is critical. Do we let the pain cripple us or drive us forward? Do we accept defeat or strategize new ways to find success? Sometimes we need to put a piece of writing down for awhile and come back to it with fresh eyes. That’s okay. Read. Work on other writing projects. Do your research. Then come back to it. You may find yourself to be a better writer when you do.

Photo: Spring flowers in Central Park, NYC.